Feature Toy Movies August 7, 2009 We Toys and film have had a very close relationship over the years. The traditional sequence of events is for the film to come first, followed by the merchandising but lately there have been some spectacularly successful blockbusters inspired by lumps of inanimate plastic! The best tactic is, of course, to go for boy’s toys. It’s easier to spin storylines out of macho toys like G.I. Joe and Transformers than let’s say, My Little Pony for example. Nevertheless, we here at movies.ie think that the film industry is missing out on some potential gems by ignoring the wussier end of the toy world. So, commissioning editors take note as movies.ie imagine some toy transfer films that we’d like to see on our screens. A Cabbage Patch Kid: The Search for Home. Dir: Ron Howard Amy always felt a little different from the other kids. Their hair was glossier and less woollen, she always smelt vaguely like soil and come to think of it, there was very little family resemblance between herself and her parents. Her greatest fears were realised when she stumbles one day upon adoption papers. Disillusioned, she leaves her family to search out the truth about her true identity. What starts as a journey of discovery soon leads her into a shadowy world of The Cabbage Patch Kids – a genetically engineered race of dimpled children ruled by the sinister Xavier Roberts and placed into slavery by Lavender McDade and her enforcer Cabbage Jack. Sylvanian Meltdown. Dir: Paul Haggis It’s mid summer in Sylvania. The lush green valleys bake in the heat and as the temperature rises so does the seething resentment between its diverse inhabitants. An argument about some trampled roses descends into violence culminating in old Mister Walnut the squirrel patriarch being found drowned in the canal. The town soon reaches a boiling point of suspicion and resentment; it’s mammal versus mammal. Into this racial tension comes Inspector Underwood, a badger from the wrong side of the tracks. Can he keep Sylvania from self-destructing in an orgy of racial violence while also silencing his own demons? Teddy and Grubby Stand Up Dir: Judd Apatow Mild mannered Teddy Ruxpin and his sarcastic Octopede friend, Grubby are a pair of good natured slackers. Their worldly ambitions extend no further than to have enough money for high speed broadband and a six pack of brews on Friday night. This comfy lifestyle is torn apart when Burl Ruxpin, Teddy’s long lost ne’er do well father turns up on their doorstep bringing with him a string of debtors. To get his father out of a jam, Teddy agrees to enter a stand up competition performing Grubby’s controversial material via the tape deck in his back. The sight of the cutesy Teddy effing and blinding is an immediate success, but what will happen when the audience discover the real comedian is the freakish 8 limbed Grubby? Rainbow Brite: The Battle for The Prison Planet. Dir: Peter Jackson A re-imagining of the animated Star Stealer movie, Jackson puts the darkness into Rainbow Brite. The Colour Kids have been taken prisoner by the The Dark Princess, an evil ruler who hates Rainbow and the Kids for their colourful antics (and who could blame her). Rainbow Brite mounts her white horse and is forced to lay siege to the terrifying Prison Planet to save her friends and the galaxy. Overwhelmed and outnumbered, Brite is tempted to the dark side and ends up in a battle to the death with the Dark Princess for control. Will Brite save or enslave her former friends and will the future be darkness or colour? The Wuzzles: A Warning. Dir: J.J. Abrams It is the not so distant future and grizzled ex army commander Hulk Power is leading a bloody revolution against the biggest threat ever to befall the human race: The Wuzzles. A breed of genetically mismatched animals originally bred as pets have driven the pathetic humans that were once their owners, into squalid underground communities. Led by the formidable Rhinokey (half rhino/half monkey), the Wuzzles have developed a taste for blood and are tired of being messed around. Hulk is fast becoming humanity’s only hope but how can the puny humans with their regular DNA and lack of extra limbs be any match for the conquering genetic beasts?