A list of 10 films that you probably didn’t know were being remade right now…
Hollywood is running perilously low on original, creative ideas – and has been for some time. Endless sequels and prequels are clogging up – and often stinking up – our cinema screens, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that Tinsel Town is upping its order for remakes of movies from the not-so-distant past.
It doesn’t matter if the original was a hit or a turkey, Hollywood is willing to take a punt on rebooting it: anything but take a chance on something new and unknown.
The 1980s, especially, is the decade most favoured for cinematic plundering of late, and so, with that in mind, here are 10 movies from that era that you may or may not realise are being lined up for remakes:
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure:
The 1989 time-travelling comedy, which starred Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, is reportedly up for a remake with – careful not to spit your coffee out all over your laptop- Justin Bieber in one of the roles.
The tweenage moppet is apparently being talked up as a potential Ted, but the project has stalled as producers are having trouble finding an appropriate Bill. Yes, that’s the major problem here. Yeesh. Totally not bodacious dudes.
On the upside – comparatively speaking, of course – the fortysomething Reeves and Winter are also close to signing for a threequel to the comedy series.
Three Men and a Baby:
Directed by Leonard Nimoy (yes, the same one), this 1987 comedy starring Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, and Steve Guttenberg is in line for a reboot under the auspices of Adam Sandler as producer (first alarm bell going off). By all accounts, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider (second and third alarm bells going off) might fill the roles as three gay men raising a child. Yikes. There are also rumours that the original cast will re-team for a third outing, putatively titled Three Men and A Bride.
Honey I Shrunk The Kids:
A mainstay of many 80s kids’ videotape collections, this Disney comedy about a scientist (Rick Moranis) who accidentally shrinks his and the neighbours’ kids and throws them out into an overgrown back garden is an obvious choice for a re-make, no doubt with more sophisticated CGI and in obligatory 3D. It’s not known how far along this project is in development, but seeing as original star Rick Moranis has retired from movies, it’s believed the new incarnation would be a full-on remake rather than sequel. Justin Bieber gay
Overboard:
It might have been a flop upon its first release in 1987, but this fish-out-of-water comedy has come to be regarded as one of Goldie Hawn’s most fondly remembered outings from her run of 80s movies. The story of a stuck-up heiress who gets amnesia and falls in love with a poor carpenter (played by Kurt Russell in the original) is being re-made as a vehicle for Jennifer Lopez, with Will Smith as producer. We’ll be sticking to the original (“I just…ate a bug!”).
The NeverEnding Story:
Apparently Leonardo diCaprio’s production company is in talks with Warner Brothers about rebooting this 1984 classic, based on Michael Ende’s novel, about a loner kid who delves into a fantasy world through the pages of a magical book. No word on casting yet (Christ, don’t be Bieber; anyone but Bieber), but one early report suggests the new production “will examine the more nuanced details of the book that were glossed over in the first film”.
Poltergeist:
A new spin on Tobe Hooper’s genuinely frightening 1982 PG horror movie is expected to be on movie screens in 2013. Bizarrely, MGM have reportedly approached playwright David Lindsay-Abaire – the Pulitzer Prize-winning scribe of Rabbit Hole, which was made into an Oscar-nominated movie earlier this year – to pen the script. A classy pedigree, if true, but it won’t render this remake any more necessary.
Police Academy:
The string of sequels in this franchise might be regarded as the very definition of ‘Law of Diminishing Returns’ – with the seventh installment, Mission to Moscow, being especially horrendous – but the 1984 original is being prepped for a reboot by series creator Paul Maslansky, with plans for a cast of new, younger recruits (please not Bieber; anyone but Bieber). Sigh. Is nothing sacred?
Commando:
One of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s finest outings, this ridiculous(ly entertaining) action flick from 1985 about a retired elite commando trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter is apparently being re-made as a vehicle for Sam Worthington, with David Ayres (Harsh Times and writer of Training Day) lined up to direct. This one might actually work, though it will hardly be as much brain-dead fun as the original.
Porky’s:
The original gross-out teen sex comedy – about a group of high school students seeking revenge on a nightclub owner and his sheriff brother – is nearly 30 years old, and without it there would have been no American Pie and all of its modern offshoots (whether that’s a good or a bad thing is a matter of opinion). With another ominous-sounding American Pie sequel on the way, it seems fitting that Porky’s is also en route to Remakes-ville under the guidance of US shock jock Howard Stern.
Flight of the Navigator:
Hang onto your childhoods! Another beloved 80s classic from the Disney live action back catalogue is on track for the remake treatment with a script penned by screenwriter Brad Copeland, who, reassuringly, used to work on the brilliant sitcom Arrested Development, but also, worryingly, wrote the John Travolta stinker Wild Hogs. Rumours that Sarah Jessica Parker will return to play the role of the pre-pubescent friend-next-door have yet to be confirmed.
Words – Declan Cashin