On the plus side, the plot does involve Tinseltown finally being brought to its knees by a dirty great big earthquake – Bill Hicks' Arizona Bay looming tantalisingly just over the new horizon.
Amongst all the traditional crash, bang and wailing, we find John Cusack's everyman, Jackson Curtis, who – in accordance with Apocalyptic Movie Casting Rule #1 - is a divorced father with a hot ex-wife (Peet) who's currently shacked up with a shiny new boyfriend. With doomsday looming, the world begins bracing itself for the impact - big arks ready to roll at the Himalayan mountains, mass suicides in the Mayan jungles, and a trip for father and his two young brats to Yellowstone. Where our hero learns that it might just be the end of the world. And, despite reassurances from the government that everything's a-ok, Jackson doesn't feel fine. Or believe them.
THE VERDICT:
From there, Emmerich lets all hell break loose. Or just enough of it to give Jackson and co. a good run to China for their money. Once a director with something of an edge to his multiplex monsters – Independence Day is, ultimately, a far more satisfying, and funny, movie than Tim Burton's 'cooler' 1996 rival, Mars Attacks! - Roland Emmerich follows up the flat and humourless 10,000 BC with yet another glee-free, character-actor-studded apocalyptic tale.
As a token nod to credibility, Emmerich tries the Bruckheimer trick of casting his Big Dumb Blockbuster with credible actors - in this case, John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Thandie Newton, Woody Harrelson and Oliver Platt. Not even Daniel Day Lewis though could save this from being a very ordinary, very loud and extremely pointless crock of special effects. That clocks in at a mind-numbing, buttock-torturing two and a half hours. I spent the entire movie praying for the sky to fall on each and everyone here, both in front of or behind the camera.
RATING: 2/5
Words : Paul Byrne