Bring new meaning to “he sees you while you’re sleeping”, Rare Exports: A Christmas tale is now in Irish cinemas and to celebrate Movies.ie brings you five further Foul Father Christmases
Well they are not all unsuitable, just not the kind of Santas we here at Movies.ie have been accustomed to over the years. Some are nasty, others are foul mouth, some fight aliens while others are serial killers, and it wouldn’t be a Christmas movie without a definitive list of the five Santas we wouldn’t be too happy to see sliding down our chimneys. So cross your fingers and pray you are not on the naughty list or one of these bad boys could be visiting you very soon…
Probably one of the worst Christmas themed movies ever made but it’s not without its laughs. Billy Bob Thornton is Willie, a con man known for his pathetic scams and sleazy lifestyle, alongside his partner Marcus (Tony Cox) the two have desecrated the most sacred of all commercial holidays, Christmas. Disguising themselves as the store Santa and little Helper, the pain rob shopping malls and skip town that is until they happen across a little boy who might just change their mind and of course a bar wench with a desire for a man in Santa’s uniform couldn’t hurt either.
The Nightmare before Christmas
Now from one of the worst to one of the most worshipped Christmas/Halloween movies ever made! From the genius of Tim Burton comes a movie that stars neither Johnny Depp nor Helena Bonham Carter, TNBC is idolised by teens around the world. Jack Skellington is the King of Halloween but now bored of the monotonous spooky holiday he searches for something new to spark his creativity and drive him and he finds it, in the form of Christmas. Kidnapping Santa, stealing his identity, ghoulish toys and a fiendish plot all make this one Christmas movie and Santa Clause we will never forget.
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Christmas films as they should be… full of misery, gore and a terrifying Santa! After witnessing the murder and brutal attack of his parents by a man dressed as Santa Claus, Billy Chapman and his brother are raised in a cruel orphanage under the strict gaze of Mother Superior. Here Billy develops a disturbing fear of Santa and an unhealthy grasp on morality which later in life will send him over the edge. After a co-worker calls in sick Billy is asked to fill in as Santa but takes his role as the judge of all things naughty and nice as he brings deadly wrath on all those who are naughty… and there is no one nice on his list tonight…
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
There are no words really to describe this film but we will do our best! The children of Mars are raised strictly and on a rigid structure of education, information and work, that has how Martian society has been for centuries but with the children now tuning into Earth television it soon becomes clear to the adults that their children need some freedom. So they kidnap Santa and two earthling children but all is not well as one of the Martians does not agree with this new plan and sets out to destroy Santa and his workshop.
How the Grinch stole Christmas
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! ”I know just what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!” ”With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!” It’s a guarantee that if you include rhyme, a green nasty villain and an adorable community of Whos you are bound to make a fantastic Christmas story. Dr. Seuss’s Christmas tale came to life in 1966 with the animated story and was later redone by Ron Howard and Jim Carey in the live-action.