DISNEY'S A CHRISTMAS CAROL (USA/PG/96mins)
Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Starring the voices of Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Bob Hoskins, Robin Wright Penn.
THE PLOT: Aiming to deliver the definitive screen adaptation of Charles Dickens' 1843 Yuletide classic, filmmaker Robert Zemeckis also takes the opportunity here to showcase his beloved motion capture. Carrey's certainly well cast as the miserly old Scrooge, finding both the tragedy and comedy in the original Christmas grinch. It's plain though that Zemeckis and his team spent a lot more time getting their leading character looking just right than they did worrying about the array of supporting players.
Colin Firth looks positively puffy and pale as Scrooge's eternally optimistic nephew, Fred, whilst Gary Oldman gets to play the dual role of not only old miserygut's long-suffering assistant Bob Cratchit but also his own, ailing, son, Tiny Tim. Verging on novelty, the fact that, after some stunting and plumping through computer trickery, Oldman's Cratchit looks uncannily like English actor Eddie Marsan (Happy-Go-Lucky, Vera Drake) begs the simple question, why not simply cast Eddie Marsan?
THE VERDICT: Certainly a much better advertisement for this particular brand of computer wizardry than Zemeckis' two previous motion capture offerings - The Polar Express and Beowulf - but there's still the little problem here of the entire cast looking as though they came to the set that morning having just undergone extensive facial surgery. And they're heading back in tomorrow to get their eyes switched back on. Oh, and they all still run like Ronnie Corbett.
Motion capture - or performance capture, as Zemeckis now wants to call this hybrid format, sensing the need for some PR spin - involves the actor having every inch of their body, and every possible expression their face can make, fed into a computer, so Zemeckis and his computer geeks can then dress up said actor's performance with whatever costume, face, body or age they so desire.
Which is why Tom Hanks was able to play seven different roles - from Santa to a small boy - in The Polar Express. And why the chunky Ray Winstone was able to play a buffed-up hunk in Beowulf. And why Jim Carrey can take on eight roles in A Christmas Carol. To little avail.
Still, there's no questioning the fact that this movie is, at times, visually stunning. Admirably too, it sticks close to the original book - which, given that we're dealing with a hard day's nightmare, could leave one or two young 'uns with a stutter. Or the need for fresh underwear. It's just that, beyond the spectacular visuals, this often plays more like George A. Romero's A Christmas Carol. RATING: **
JENNIFER'S BODY (Fox/USA/16/102mins)
Directed by Karyn Kusama. Starring Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, Adam Brody, Sal Cortez.
THE PLOT: In what appeared to be perfect casting, Hollywood's most outspoken hottie Megan Fox gets to play the cheerleader from hell, the eponymous smalltown girl who's not averse to making the most of her stunningly good looks. Naturally, she's due for some kind of comeuppance, something her nerdy best friend - the hilariously-named Needy (Amanda Seyfried, the daughter from Mamma Mia! geeked up by the addition of bottle-end glasses) - is determined to save Jennifer from.
One reckless ride with a vanload of rockers late one night though sees Jennifer turn up on Needy's doorstep spitting blood. And black tar. By the following morning, she's all sweetness and tight tops once again, but then, boys rapidly start turning up dead. And dismembered.
THE VERDICT: Having been the belle of Hollywood after her script for last year's Juno picked up just about every award and trinket Tinseltown had to offer, Diablo Cody has explained the critical indifference and the U.S. box-office failure suffered by this follow-up as merely backlash.
Perhaps there is an element of predetermined adversity, but Cody should also accept the fact that Jennifer's Body just isn't that good.
Of course, the real fans of, eh, Megan Fox's work are going to wait for the DVD. Even they are going to be disappointed though. RATING: **
THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS (Bowe/USA/15A/93mins)
Directed by Grant Heslov. Starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey, some goats.
THE PLOT: Based on smug Guardian journalist Jon Ronson's 2004 book charting the U.S. Army's exploration of New Age conceptions and paranormal weaponry, McGregor plays smalltown journalist Bob Wilton, determined to prove to the young wife who has left him for his editor that he's a man of action. And so he heads to Iraq. Where he finds himself hooking up with Lyn Cassidy (Clooney), once the shining star of the U.S. Army's First Earth Battalion. Which believed the mind was the most powerful weapon when it came to combat. Lyn reckons Bob is a Jedi. Which is really funny. Because McGregor was a Jedi in those really, really bad Star Wars prequels. And he was really bad in them too. Mad.
THE VERDICT: Comedic actor-turned-director Grant Heslov seems to be aiming for Coen brothers territory here, but lands instead in no man's land. What we end up with is something akin to National Lampoon's Syriana.
Of course, any movie that lets Ewan McGregor not only take the lead but unleash his American accent too is looking for trouble. Heck, they even let him narrate. Haven't these people seen Big Fish?
Jeff Bridges has a little fun with his own New Age persona as the guru who leads this band of would-be hippy hitmen, but not even the Dude can lift this increasingly desperate series of wacky sketches. To make matters worse, fallen Oscar winner Kevin Spacey once again plays the smartest, smarmiest man in the room. Nice to see the Old Vic superstar saviour pushing his range. RATING: **
THE FOURTH KIND (Entertainment/USA/15A/98mins)
Directed by Olatunde Osunsanmi. Starring Milla Jovovich, Elias Koteas, Will Patton, Corey Johnson. THE PLOT: Based on a true story (or thereabouts), a small town in Alaska suffers an extraordinary amount of unexplained disappearances over a 40-year period, with many believing the authorities are keeping secrets about what is really going on. Luckily, there's a sexy, smart psychologist (Jovovich) on the case...
THE VERDICT: Those loveable lowlifes, Entertainment Film Distributors in London, have once again decided to release a film here without a press screening - although, in this case, it's perhaps not too difficult to figure out why.
Your star iss Milla Jovovich, who has somehow become the thinking man's Jean-Claude Van Damme. With slightly bigger breasts. And it's about alien encounters. Aliens! Milla! Low budget! Breasts! No press screening! How could this possibly fail? RATING: *
BRIGHT STAR (Warners/Pathe/UK/Aus/France/PG/119mins)
Directed by Jane Campion. Starring Ben Whishaw, Abbie Cornish, Kerry Fox, Paul Schneider, Edie Martin.
THE PLOT: Charting the final years of 19th-century romantic poet John Keats (solid Brit actor Ben Whishaw, who's come a long way from being slapped about in Nathan Barley) as seen through the eyes of the love of his life, Fanny Brawne (a stunningly good Abbie Cornish), Bright Star captures perfectly a way of life (middle-class Britain), a time and place (1818 to 1821, Hampstead Village, North London) and a feeling (undying love, against the odds) by concentrating on those small details. Some embroidery, a glance, a line in a letter, and, of course, some verse.
Kerry Fox plays the single mum trying to bring up Fanny and her two siblings, whilst next door, Paul Schneider's gruff Mr. Brown is determined to keep Fanny's mitts off his Keats.
THE VERDICT: That these lovebirds have more than shyness to contend with when it comes to expressing - never mind consummating - their love means Bright Star is no period romp. It's more like a period stroll in the park with stifled passions and tender lust. And it works wonders. Recapturing some of the meticulous attention to detail and the human spirit that made The Piano and An Angel At My Table so successful, Australian director Jane Campion here delivers her finest film in some time. RATING: ****
IFI FRENCH FILM FESTIVAL
The IFI French Film Festival this year boasts Cannes prize winners, a Tati retrospective (perhaps Rowan Atkinson could pop by and apologise for lifting all his ideas?), Jean-Pierre Jeunet's latest, and lots more Gallic delights.
Running from November 19th to the 29th, there are plenty of exclusives in amongst the revivals and celebrations, including the opening Micmacs, the great Jeunet's latest. There's also the multiple-Cesar Award winning Seraphine, Jacques Audiard's Grand Prix winner A Prophet, cop-thriller-turned-zombie horror The Horde, and Round Da Way, a slice of hip-hop animation described as Beavis And Butthead meets La Haine.
There is, of course, plenty more where that came from. Check out www.ifi.ie for full details.
DEREK MAHON: THE POETRY NONSENSE at the IFI Nov 8th
Screening Sunday at 1pm as part of the IFI Ireland On Sunday series, Derek Mahon: The Poetry Nonsense is Roger Greene's new documentary on the internationally acclaimed and multi-award winning poet. Charting Greene's life, from his early Belfast days, his Trinity experience and his formative years as a poet, contributors include Seamus Heaney, Michael Longly and