30 of the worst film titles!

Currently showing in a cinema near you is a movie that we think deserves to be listed as one of the worst movie titles of all time “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D”, take a bow! The long-winded, circuitous title got us thinking about bad movie titles. So, regardless of what we think of the movies themselves, here is a list of some of the worst movie titles in cinema history…

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar
This could be just us, but this movie title makes us feel like we are reading someone’s personal mail.

The Human Stain
This film starred Anthony Hopkins as a professor who was trying to escape his dark past, but the title makes the film sound like it is a snuff movie.

Octopussy
How did the title for this Bond film ever get past the censor? Sounds more like a porn movie title to me.

Gigli
Possibly one of the worst films of all time, coupled with a title that is practically impossible to pronounce. Jig-lee? Gigg-lee? We give up.

Freddy Got Fingered
Seeing as this film stars Tom Green, the image conjured up by the title is something that we never want to see. Ever.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies!!?
We like a movie title to give us a fair idea of what we are about to see, but this one just takes all the mystery from the film. The tagline for the film is worse though: ‘She keeps monsters in cages for pets! He preys on wild go-go girls!’… WHAT!?

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter
While on the run from Marshal McPhee, Jesse James hides out in Frankenstein’s castle… Well of course! This title is another one that gives away far too much; it’s pretty easy to guess what’s going to happen to poor old Jesse James.

Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?
We have to admit that the question posed by this movie title was not one of the big questions in our lives. The title sounds like a cross between a Woody Allen film and a self-help book; a bad combination.

Eeagh!
Another film title that is either unpronounceable and is going to have customers yelling random vowels at cinema box office staff.

Sssssss
Eleven years after the debacle of a movie title that was Eeagh! came Sssssss. Didn’t they learn anything?

Phfft!
Another strangely difficult name to pronounce. This one actually came from a popular newspaper column in the 1950s that described the break up of celebrity couples as Phfft! We don’t get it either.

Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever
The problem with this movie title is that it makes no sense; Ecks and Sever actually fight together in the film, not against each other.

Dude, Where’s My Car?
Seeing as this question forms the premise for the entire film, maybe it is not so silly after all. Sure sounds it though!

Killer Drag Queens on Dope
This movie stars Alexis Arquette and has a very confusing title. We thought stoners were the gentle type?

Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
What the what? What is so death inducing about avocados? Are they an appetiser for the cannibal women? Is that where they get their taste for human flesh!?

Neverending Story 2
Surely if the first one never ended there was no need for a sequel… Right?

Death Bed, The Bed That Eats
Is this art? Cheesy exploitation? Inspired by a nightmare? That’s just the title, do not even get us started on the plot!

Quantum of Solace
The What of Who Now? It just doesn’t make any sense, and we have seen the movie. Twice.

Mystic Pizza
What’s so mystic about pizza? That’s 1980s movies for ya, trying to be cool and mysterious and just sounding silly.

Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood
Another self-help book adaptation by the sounds of it. Either that or a lesbian porno.

The Constant Gardener
If the title character of this film gardens constantly, then what is with the guns on the poster? Does he garden in a war zone? The tagline “Love. At Any Cost.” makes even less sense.

The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain
How is that possible? Did he teleport? Is this some sort of racial slur? We don’t get it, and probably never will.

Live Free or Die Hard
Thankfully, the fourth Die Hard movie was renamed at this side of the water. Die Hard 4.0 is still pretty silly, but it is much better than this title, which sounded like a threat, not an invitation.

Lucky Number Slevin
We get the feeling that the title for this film was devised on a drunken night out, before any of the plot was written. “It’s a play on words, get it!?” Yeah, we do, we just don’t like it much.

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
We know Irish sons are, for the most part, very close to their mums, but this kind of hiding behind your mother is just not cool. Learn to stand up for yourself… Oh, that’s the point? Guy who can’t say no to this mum? Right. Still a daft title.

Solarbabies
This film is about kids on rollerskates who live in a future with no water. This is not the image conjured up by this title, but then, the studio probably came up with the title before the film. It is kind of fun to say though…

From Justin to Kelly
No, this is not a movie about Justin Bieber getting gender reassignment surgery to become Kelly Clarkson. The title sure suggests it though, and Kelly Clarkson is in it. Huh, maybe we were wrong…

Those Magnificent Men and Their Flying Machines or How I Flew From London to Paris in 25 Hours 11 Minutes
Just because Dr Strangelove had a wonderfully long and fantastically silly title the year before, does not mean that this movie deserved one as well. That said, this movie was nominated for an Academy Award in 1966. For the screenplay that is, not the absurdly long-winded title.

Who is Harry Kellerman and Why Is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?
Don’t let the incredibly high schooly title fool you; this is not a remake of Mean Girls. Instead it is a meditation on life, which was also nominated for an Oscar. Maybe it’s all about the length of words in the title…

Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attach of the Evil, Mutant, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating, Subhumanoid, Zombified Living Dead, Part 3.
This movie is a redubbling of the 1962 movie The Brain That Wouldn’t Die. It appears that the makers wanted to make sure that every base was covered with this title, so the audience could be in no doubt as to what they were going to see. Shame that it takes longer to say the title than watch the movie. This movie title has an impressive 38 words, but was never nominated for an Oscar. There’s that theory disproven then.

 

Words – Brogen Hayes

Got any more? Let us know!